Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.
Matthew 5:23-26
Two more thoughts about reconciliation with other people. (1) I was once approached by a brother in the Lord (who I hardly knew and who was not from our church) who informed me that he had never liked me but the had changed his mind and wanted to ask my forgiveness for disliking me for no real reason. I knew nothing about this man’s animosity toward me. I asked why he was telling me this cheery news. He cited Matthew 5:23-24. I told him he was forgiven.
Though this man thought he was obeying the words of Jesus, he was not. I suppose he felt better, but as for me, not so much. It was neither the time nor the place for me to explain the right way to have handled the root of bitterness this fellow had regarding me.
Here is a principle in cases like this: “The circle of confession should be no larger than the circle of sin.” His sin was not about me, nor did it affect me. His was a heart problem, and since God knows our hearts, he would have been wiser to have confessed his sin to God, repented, and left it at that. Telling me may have made him feel better but there was no redeeming value in dragging me into it.
(2) Some teach that we do not need to forgive if the one who wronged us refuses to repent. I was taught this, and so in my youth I taught this. Twenty or so years ago at a home fellowship, this subject came up. A man in the HF said he believed we must forgive whether or not the person who sinned against us repents, but that we are not likely to be reconciled until there is repentance. I had never thought about the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation in those terms. The Lord used that brother at HF to change my mind.
Forgiveness is a one-way transaction. We are to forgive as Christ Jesus has forgiven us, lest a root of bitterness invades our hearts. Because reconciliation between two people is a two-way transaction, unless there is repentance we may not reach the point of true reconciliation—but I would agree that we must forgive others as Christ has forgiven us—even if the other person remains unrepentant. Reconciliation between two people depends on both parties, and neither party can force the other into reconciliation.
Next time, back to observations on Matthew 5:23-26.