"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12

Here is a thought about honoring father and mother that may easily be missed. The commandment is to “honor father and mother”—not just one or the other, thinking that is enough. This might seem so obvious that it doesn’t need to be said, but in some cases it does need to be said.

When raised in a family in which there has been a divorce, sometimes one parent shone more brightly than the other. It is understandable to have more affection for the parent who was more involved. But the commandment says “honor father and mother.”

It may be much more challenging to honor (or even care about) the absentee parent, or the parent who made life miserable for the favored parent. In cases like these, forgiveness is the first order of business. Read the most recent blog for a refresher on that account.

Forgiving, and even honoring, the parent for whom one has little or no affection doesn’t mean that one will become close and live as though everything was always all rosy. It does mean repenting from harboring ill feelings and refusing to allow bitterness to be acceptable. Don’t worry about your lack of warm feelings. Don’t insist that you can’t. If you are forgiven by God and indwelt by the Holy Spirit, by His grace, you can.

Bonus Thought: If you were the “good parent,” do not speak ill of the other parent, and in so doing, encourage your children to break the fifth commandment by dishonor their other parent—even if unwittingly!