Q: If the only biblical grounds for divorce are sexual sin and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, what about cases of abuse?
Great question! As I said in a recent sermon on divorce (from Malachi 2:10-16), one of the missing links in the divorce (and remarriage) equation is church discipline. But I get ahead of myself.
First, we must understand that there is a half-way step between marriage and divorce. That step is separation, and more formerly, legal separation. I would never counsel a person to remain in an abusive living situation. But saying that I must digress yet again. What kind of abuse am I referring to? Physical, or mental/emotional? Either, or both, but caution is in order.
When a spouse is being physically abused, he or she not only may, but must, remove him or herself from danger. No question.
When it comes to "mental/emotional" abuse, there are nearly as many shades of gray as there are individual situations. Mental/emotional abuse is real and in many cases, like physical abuse, the abused individual definitely may need to leave. Sadly, however, there are those who insist that living with a person who is not nice all the time is tantamount to mental/emotional abuse. In such cases a kind, wise, and discerning pastoral counselor needs to help the parties sort matters out before jumping to separation, much less divorce. Sometimes living with a difficult person (as unpleasant as it may be), is part of what it means when in our vows we say, "for better or worse."
Second, as mentioned in the recent sermon on divorce, the Church has been negligent in Her duties to shepherd the flock—which includes church discipline. Physical abuse, true "mental/emotional" abuse, as well as other sins such as substance abuse, and even chronic financial irresponsibility (gambling, refusal to work, or irresponsible indebtedness) are lifestyle sins that the Church must be prepared to address. Addressing these with an unrepentant person calls for church discipline. And that is anything but simple, easy, or pleasant.
How does this relate to separation and/or divorce? Not all would agree with this but when a person reaches the nuclear option in Church discipline (excommunication), are we not to treat the offending person "like a heathen and a tax collector?" (Jesus' words Matthew 18:17, cf., 1 Corinthians 5).
But let us remember the purpose of excommunication. It is not to get rid of the person, but to bring the person to repentance—which may take time. Sometimes it takes a long time.
So with the backing of a church that is willing to practice church discipline, the abuser may be excommunicated for living in a state of unrepentant sin. Part of that excommunication (in cases of abuse) would necessitate marital separation (not divorce, and certainly not hasty divorce).
More on separation next time…