I recently spoke with an old friend who was struggling with the death of a parent. The memorial service didn’t seem like the most appropriate time and lace to go into the details of addressing my friend’s questions. So I wrote the following letter.
I am writing as a follow-up on our conversation regarding your questions. I am not writing to convince you, but merely in hopes of offering a bit of caring clarity.
Your questions seem to be “Why?” I cannot tell you why because I am not God (and you can be thankful for this). Asking “why” in the midst of the death of a loved one (or any tragedy for that matter) is understandable and perfectly legitimate. Though I cannot give a complete answer, I can share with you how a child of God deals with the “whys” in life.
The minister at the memorial gathering stated that your father’s favorite Bible verse was Romans 8:28, which states: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (emphasis added)
Many believe in God and even in Jesus Christ, but biblical belief is more than a mental assent to a set of facts. Believing in Jesus is deeper. It means trusting Him—especially in traumatic times. Believing in Jesus and in what He did to save His people from our sins (by dying willingly to pay the penalty our sins deserve, and then rising from the dead), means gratefully loving Him.
According to your father’s favorite verse (it is one of mine as well!), those who love Him trust that He has a purpose for everything that befalls us—whether we understand it, or even if we do not like it. The fact that we often do not like what God is doing only proves that we do not understand what God understands. The Word of God says:
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9
Little children frequently do not understand why their parents make decisions and do the things they do. But most of the time most parents are doing what they know is best, even when their children are unhappy about it. The difference between the mind of a parent and the mind of a little child may be vast, but it is measurable. Contrast that with the difference between the finite minds of human beings and the all-knowing and infinitely-wise mind of God. That difference is infinite.
That is why it is understandable when God does or allows things we do not like. Our understanding is beneath His. And because God is good and always does only good, when we do not understand (even to the degree of not liking what God is doing), we are not only to believe in God, but trust Him and love Him.
This does not make sense to those who do not love God, but according to your father’s favorite verse, because we love God, we trust that whatever God does (whether we understand or like it or not), God is working all things together for our good and for His glory.
The verse doesn’t promise that all things are good, or that they are working smoothly (clearly, there are a lot of things that aren’t!). What the verse does promise is that those who love God can rest, trusting that the one and only, all-wise and good God is working all things together for good.
I remember when I did not love God. This would likely have been nonsense to me. But God changed my heart. I pray that you might love God and be able to rest in His goodness—even when it hurts.
Much love,
Errol
PS. Maybe, if you are interested, I can share why pain, suffering, and death take place at all.