"Furthermore it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”
Matthew 5:31-32
Speaking of loophole mentality, sadly, a fair number of Christians look at Jesus’ words regarding “biblical grounds” for divorce as a loophole to be exploited. Here, and elsewhere in scripture, a biblical grounds for divorce is a breaking of the marriage covenant through adultery (sexual sin), but is it a loophole?
Many years ago I counseled a woman in a bad disastrous marriage to an abusive unbelieving husband. She told me that a Christian friend asked her if her husband had been sexually unfaithful. The wife answered, “No.” “Darn!” erupted the friend. “We can't use that!” Though possibly well intentioned, this friend was hoping to use adultery as a convenient “loophole.” What should we understand about adultery as a biblical grounds for divorce? Two things:
First, it is permitted, but it is certainly not commanded. In other words, sexual unfaithfulness merely allows the spouse who was wronged in this way to divorce the guilty spouse.
Second, Jesus explained (Matthew 19:3-9) that though divorce was allowed, it is greatly preferred that the spouse, who was sinned against, forgive the guilty spouse. The provision of sexual infidelity was therefore allowed because of the “hardness of our hearts” (v.8) when one cannot muster the grace to forgive.
God knows how deeply this kind of sin hurts the one who has been violated. After all, scripture routinely calls sins against God, spiritual harlotry/adultery. How many times everyday do God’s people sin against God and thereby commit spiritual harlotry? And how many times does He forgive us? And are we not to forgive as we have been forgiven? (Ephesians 4:32) So then, forgiveness is to be preferred over divorce.
“But it is hard!” Sure it is. Marriage is hard. Christianity is hard. Didn’t Jesus tell those who were considering following Him:
Matthew 16:24-25 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.
Jesus gave permission, but the greater weight of scripture pleads for forgiveness.
What if the offending party proves to be a serial adulterer, sinning and “repenting” over and over. Such cases can wear anyone down—which is why the Lord allowed this particular “grounds” for divorce.
More on what Jesus said in Matthew 19 next.