And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

Many read this verse and think first of fathers provoking their children by being too strict. That certainly does happen. Children who feel crushed, often cannot wait to be free—sometimes becoming rebellious. This verse provides a warning not to provoke by being overbearing.

Another way of looking at this verse is revealed by the rest of the verse. The sentence says “Don’t do that, but [instead] do this.” The “but” says “that” and “this” are not the same. So while it may be true that some provoke their children by being too strict, withholding instruction is not the solution. Since the opposite of provoking is “bringing them up in the training and admonition of the Lord,” what our children need is instruction, and even discipline. Being too strict may provoke rebellion, but failure to instruct leads to lawlessness. How are we to instruct our children?

Proverbs 3:11-12 says, “My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor detest His correction; 12 For whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.” Parents (fathers in particular) must instruct and correct our children. We are not to do this as arresting police officers, but as loving fathers who rather than being harsh with them, are instead delighted in them.

And to those living under your parents’ authority: no parent is perfect. Parents make mistakes. Sometimes they may seem unfair. Do not make the mistake of disrespecting your parents because they are not flawless. Pray for them, trusting God to speak through them, in spite of their failings. Forgive them. Believe me, we parents dearly love our children, even when we do not demonstrate that love divinely.